4

i wanna let go
i wanna move on
but —
my mind tricks me.

fear takes over
mind takes over
it’s all over.

just one sip of that clear,
liquid courage…
the cold hits my lips,
the sharp edge of the glass hits my teeth,
the burn rolls down the back of my throat,
makes its way into my chest and into my
soul.

that’s it.
i’m free.
i lose all control.
I swear,
i’ve made it
to wherever i’ve been trying to go.

home.
home?
is that where i’m finally at peace?
it’s a utopia
and i feel it whenever ther’s a drink in my hand;
the hot fevers subside
and for once,
i’m good.

but —
this home of mine
falls apart
like an old, rotting house.
it crumbles, shatters, shakes,
and i’m left there standing in the middle of pompeii
looking up to the ash filled sky thinking —
fuck.

i’m alone again.
i’ve burned everything and everyone around me
and
i don’t remember.

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