Where is the party at?

The doors have been shut, the curtains drawn and the lights are out. Is the party over yet? Of course not! it’s about to get started. I would have thought the party was over too. Come to think of it, who party’s in darkness and silence?

Snap out of it, this isn’t actually about parties. Have you ever thought of having a lone party in darkness? Where it is only you, your awkward thoughts as the anchor, self-sabotage as the disk jockey, the item 7 being served by the little creatures working overtime in your head, where everyone else is wining and dining with so much joy except you, oh well you get to clean the mess after the party, that’s fair enough I think, at least you played an important role in hosting them. Chill, nobody is going crazy here, even if anybody was to be, it’s not me “laughs in self-denial”

Now, have a sit and let’s have a proper conversation they said, you looked around, and yet again your head is full of questions. You? Why not you? “You’re not good enough” is fronting this particular meeting, it seems too personal to me. Wondering what they are about to say? What did you do this time? Anxiety is offering you a gold plated blanket to cover you from the cold and the rushing shivers that are running effortlessly down your spin, even a blind person can see you’re covered in goosebumps except you, Of course, the host deserves the honor of having a conversation with! Sit!!!! fear screamed they are all screaming at you at this point, fear’s voice was the loudest. You’re in for it today. No escape. Why are you sweating so much? Why?

You managed to have a seat in a corner just opposite your guests, covering yourself with the blanket anxiety offered you, shame is working really hard to get your attention, hovering around you like flies on a decomposed body, you’re angered; you want to fight back badly, sadly you’re alone, your self esteem and confidence is laying wasted and and lifeless beside you, you dare not speak a word, even your stomach is rumbling so much, looks like everything is working collaboratively against you. oh well, team work makes the dream work! Yeah, it must that!

SPEAK!!! A voice screamed! Shame is hugging you warmly and protectively. At this point, your self identity is gone, you are gradually giving in to their orders, you can’t fight back.

What do you guys want? You asked faintly.

To be continued.

Photo credit- Pinterest.

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