Return on Investment

By Kerrie LaRosa, Clinical Social Worker and Parent Coach

After several weeks of struggling with technology, juggling work, trying to maintain my sanity and my relationship with my kids, I made the tough decision to opt-out of online school. I tried to make it work. I implemented various schedules, tried different techniques to motivate them, and attempted strategies to encourage their independence. But, it all led to the same result — arguments and frustration. I was stressed, the children were stressed, and we were spinning our wheels.

I anguished over the decision and wondered why I was not good enough, organized enough to make it work despite the endless energy and effort I poured into it. I felt like a failure and a fraud. How could I support parents if I was failing at it?

We are living through a pandemic which is stressful in it’s own right, before adding on caretaking, homeschooling, working and household organization.

Although living through a pandemic is never easy, I reflected on what I could do to make it more manageable. I knew I could figure out how to juggle my children and work but I could not also manage school (the way it was going). As a wise parent said to me recently: “I can homeschool or I can work, but I cannot do both.”

Online school has created stress in my family for a variety of reasons. The technology can be difficult to use, the amount of time working through technical issues is often disproportionate to the amount of time doing schoolwork, children lack choice and independence when doing their schoolwork, and it is impacting the parent-child relationship.

The amount of time working through technology issues is disproportionate to the amount of time spent engaging in learning activities. For an hour’s worth of schoolwork, it took about 45 minutes to find assignments, log on to platforms, work through, technical glitches and upload and submit online assignments. Even with extensive training my children would not be able to consistently do this on their own.

Although I respect and appreciate the effort to continue children’s education through online school, we are missing an opportunity for them to learn naturally and through everyday activities as I referenced in my previous Inspired Ideas post, Fostering Independent Learning and Independent Learning in Your Child.

The challenges of online school, the technology issues, the lack of clarity of what was expected of students and parents, the constant barrage of emails, the battle to motivate the kids to engage in a way that felt unnatural to them, and the frustrations over not being able to get my own work done was impacting our relationship. And what matters more than our relationships with our loved ones right now. Our connections and relationships are the key to getting through this pandemic.

I want to clarify, this is not meant as a criticism of teachers or of the educational system. I know everyone is doing their best and working so hard to figure out how to provide continuity of learning and some semblance of normalcy during these times. I am grateful for the teachers who care so deeply for their students and are dedicated to make this work.

This decision was one made out of necessity for my family — to preserve our mental health, our relationships, and to respect the way that my children learn best. This decision had nothing to do with my children’s dedicated teachers, their efforts, competency, or dedication. In fact, they have been nothing but supportive, even after communicating our decision.

But, this decision was a personal decision to help our family manage a difficult time a tiny bit easier. I also realize that for many people, online school is working and a welcome distraction from the pandemic, helping children find an outlet and keeping them connected to friends and teachers.

Before coming to this decision, I discussed this transition with my family, my son as well as the school principal and teachers. After learning from the principal what the impact would be if we opted out of online school (he would not be penalized), my son and I worked together to create a learning program that would appeal to his intrinsic motivation, foster independence, reduce stress, and optimize everyone’s time.

He also opted to continue the Zoom calls to maintain connection and ongoing learning with his teachers and peers. What changed were the assignments, which is what was causing the most stress. It is not a one-size-fits-all approach, but this is what it looks like for him:

Instead of a timeline, he has a to-do list to promote choice within his day.

After weeks of this approach, it has resulted in fewer arguments, more learning, more independence, and more intrinsic motivation.

Effective collaboration depends on using these key components of partnerships. In order to have a true partnership, both parties must be willing to participate, trust that the child’s best interests are at the forefront, and make positive assumptions that both parents and teachers are trying to make online learning work.

During these hard times, it is easy to blame and question other’s decisions. But, it is possible that a teacher is working really hard, making the best decisions possible with the information they have and at the same time it is not working for the student or their family. It is also possible that a parent is working hard to help their child adapt to online school and at the same time, the limitations that the school has with virtual learning are not quite meeting that child’s needs.

Collaboration is crucial. It is not about demanding what you need, it is about working together to achieve a common goal.

Time, patience, bandwidth (figurative and literal) are at a premium. Setting realistic expectations about what you can do, what your child can do, and what you expect of others is essential for a manageable plan. Using these key components of a partnership in your communication with the school can improve the collaborative process. Here is an example of communication that uses these key components.

“Thank you for working so hard to figure out online learning and for the extra support you have been offering my daughter. I know this is a challenging time and you are being asked to do something extraordinary — transition to online learning with little time or preparation. Despite all of your hard work, my daughter is having a hard time adjusting to the zoom calls. She is having a hard time staying focused and is distracted by her own picture on the screen as well as her classmates. I am sure she is also distracting you and the other students when she is moving around. We are working on some strategies at home, but unfortunately I have to be on work calls at the same time as the zoom and therefore cannot help her stay focused. Would it be ok with you, if she was able to sit and listen with the video an microphone off and see if her engagement improves? She seems to listen better and get more out of the zoom calls when he is not distracted by other students, or worried about her little brother embarrassing him by popping into the screen. Please let me know what you think.”

Through this communication example, you can see ways that the parent used the key components of trusting the teacher, using positive assumptions, and expressing their shared vested interest to lay the foundation for an effective partnership. The parent also demonstrated respect by acknowledging the impact of her child’s struggles on the teacher and the class and making recommendations that would be mutually beneficial. Additionally, the parent set realistic expectations for what is manageable for the teacher and made an effort to collaborate with the teacher rather than make demands on the teacher.

In conclusion, it is okay to say no to things that are not working for us and say yes to things that will strengthen our relationships and help us through the pandemic. What we are dealing with should be a crisis and everyone’s needs and ways of coping with a crisis are different.

This is not the time to follow the rules at the cost of your mental health and your relationships. This is the time to reflect on what is helping you and advocate for your family’s needs.

Related posts:

Este projeto foi desenvolvido em duas partes, seriam a de desenvolver um novo logo e em seguida dar um novo visual para site. A empresa se trata de um fundo de investimentos multimercado em que o…

The Brixton Black Culture Pop Up Market opened its doors once again on April 6–7 at Impact Brixton. The market welcomed black-owned businesses to showcase their products including food, clothing…

Estou certo de que a maioria dos leitores e admiradores da literatura do velho Tolkien saibam do fato curioso de que ele serviu na Primeira Guerra Mundial. Em sua biografia, no entanto, esse fato…